If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
