Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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