i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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