I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
