I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
