I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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