i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
