can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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