I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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