i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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