I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
