If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
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