Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
