so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
