A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
