he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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