I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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