It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
