how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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