Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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