the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
