Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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