In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
