uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
