I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
