i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
