I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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