Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
