I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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