Did you just see the Batmobile???
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
