It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
