just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
