While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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