he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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