Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
