We're facebook friends in real life
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
