we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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