Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
