Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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