how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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