ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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