Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
