he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
