Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
