Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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