Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
