I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
