you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
