Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
