fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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