I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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