dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
